9 hours of studying and I can’t remember my own name but I can remember how to kill a man using a toothbrush so there’s that
the hell kind of classes are you taking?
I’m a forensic criminologist our slogan is “can’t run fast enough to be a serial killer so I’ll just help the police catch them”
Waking up on November 1st is literally like walking through a door from Halloweentown to Christmastown
What’s this? What’s this? There’s décor everywhere. What’s this? There’s carols in the air. What’s this? I can’t believe my eyes it’s just November come on folks I mean I swear. What’s this?
I FREAKING READ IT IN JACKS VOICE
I FUCKING SANG IT
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
Neil Gaiman (via kolir)
"I don’t understand bisexuality, I don’t think it exists"
well I don’t understand physics but you don’t see me floating off into space because gravity no longer applies to me
WIZARDING SCHOOLS AROUND THE WORLD: SCANDINAVIAFormed shortly after the Kalmar Union in protest against Durmstrang’s growing acceptance of the Dark Arts, the Scandinavian Academy for Sorcery Studies is situated in an undetectable location in Hinnøya for students predominantly from Denmark, Norway, and Sweden (and occasionally Finland, Iceland, and the Faroe Islands on account of their historical associations with the region) whose parents preferred for them to be educated in a more sympathetic environment. There is a large heated bubble on the outskirts of campus created for astronomy studies (by far the most popular academic stream at the school) where students can observe the night sky with an unobstructed view. A particular branch of divination correlating to celestial patterns and the movement of stars is studied intensively, and students occupy a large portion of their time speculating various outcomes of the alignment of stars and planets (overheard in the halls: “If Venus and Jupiter had been two degrees closer, I guarantee you I would have found that rogue troll already. The planets have not been helpful lately.”).